Smh if I had a dollar for every time y'all mentioned Lebron's age...

… I’d prolly have somewhere around $38,387.

That’s how much y’all talk about that shit lol.

But, coincidentally… that’s the same number as the amount of points that Lebron needs to match Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s record as the NBA’s all-time regular season scoring leader. As of this moment, he’s within 100 points of that mark.

Which is remarkable when you think about it. That he’s still scoring like this?

At his grown age??

Ok, there we go.

So now that’s:

We’ve surpassed Kareem now, in age mentions. That’s a lot of money, yo. You could change lives with that kind of money.

Now we can finally stop talking about it.

…

Wait, hold on.

38,388??

Three, Eight… Three, Eight, Eight.

Whoa.

Did you know that Lebron James is 38 years old right now? Still hooping like he is? Bro, it’s crazy. No one should be putting up stats like this at that age!

$38,389.

Yessir.

So hold up, hold up. Real quick. The counter only goes up by one if his age gets mentioned, right? So that’s like a free throw then.

What if somebody talks about how Lebron’s been doing this for 20-plus years instead? That’s a little different.

Would that count that as 2 points? Like a layup in transition? Off a hard-left-hand-dribble spin move?

You know Lebron is really good at those, right?

…

Because guess what: it’s not just that Lebron is doing what he’s doing at such an old age… it’s that he’s been THIS good for THIS long, bro.

Think about that shit. 20+ years. The longevity is out of this world.

$38,391.

Thank you! That’s what I’m talking about. I’m really a bucket out here.

Okay, okay. My fault.

But like I was saying. We really don’t need to talk about it anymore. All y’all do is glaze my man all day, talking about his age and shit. Like, we get it. Give it a rest…

…

Unlike Lebron. Who never needs rest.

He’s still averaging a near 30 point triple double… at 38 years old.

$38,392.

Mmmhmmm! That’s right.

Truthfully, y’all should be inspired by me, I’ma be putting this money to good use. With this bread I can make a lane for myself, and pay off some bills.

Unlike y’all, who just talk about this man for free. And you don’t even know him like that.

Like, so what. You’ve been following him for a long time. You not the only one. Lemme guess, you’ve been a die hard fan of his since the man was 18 years old? Since he had that little ass fro, with the green headband, on the cover of Sports Illustrated?

How even long ago was that?

So that’s ummm: 18 years old… that was what like, 2003? Oh, damn.

That was 20 years ago! And you gotta remember, it’s been 20 years of high-level, dominant, game-changing basketball.

Wild, bro.

Which also means… that if he was 18… and you add 20 years of excellence…

Oh damn, that’s right. He’s 38!

That’s crazy fr.

$38,394…

…$38,395.

And oneeeee!! Gimme that.

Count ‘em up.

Listen, don’t hate the player, hate the game. I’m pulling up Ticketmaster right now, bout to go get me some courtside tickets to see Bron play. If you wanna mention his age and not get paid for it, that’s on you. But me, what else am I supposed to do?

I’m a go getter.

Just like Bron-bron, you feeeel me.

Who, by the way, is 38 years old and about to break the ALL-TIME scoring record, if you didn’t already know.

$———

Wait, hold up.

What that mean?

I said…

Lebron is 38 years old.

ERROR: Insufficient funds.

What’s going on?

Stop playing with me.

I said Lebron is 38 fuckin years old, bro. Did you hear me?

Three. Eight. Thirty-Eight.

YEARS.

PLEASE HOLD: reporting recent activity for fraudulence

Nah nah nah hold up.

Fraud??

Ummmmm…

This is some bullshit. Fuck outta here. I’m doing the same shit y’all be doing!

I told y’all what it was!! What else is “If I had a dollar” supposed to mean?

…

Look, look.

I’m not even gonna say it no more. Just lemme get the money that I earned from talking about it myself.

Y’all can have the rest.

FRAUDULENCE DETECTED

Man, fuck.

Aight, aight. Chill.

Chill.

Guess what? Nobody said anything about Lebron for real. I was just joking.

This whole thing is just a game. Like, an experiment.

…

Psh, why do I even care about Lebron’s age like that? He’s been good no matter what age he is, right?? Like, we don’t even need to mention it. And if we do, it’s whatever, no harm done.

Let’s just cool out.

Right?

Age ain’t nothing but a number… right?

Actually. You know what, I take that one back.

But!

I should be talking about his off-court accomplishments, in fact. His philanthropy. Exactly. I can talk about that.

Because he been doing that stuff.

I mean, he’s also a dad. He gonna be one of those forever, right?

He’s also a businessman. An actor. All kinds of stuff.

It’s so much to talk about with him. Stuff that don’t got nothing to do with his age.

You know?

Overdue Balance: Please Pay Now

Man, fuck this shit.

Fuck you and Lebron.

I ain’t paying nothing.

I don’t need this. I’m leaving.

BYE.

Old ass n*gga.

[session terminated]

…

:-)